I couldn't find a codpiece at the mall
The other day I was thumbing through a book of 15th century art. No, not because I like art but instead because I was looking for free pics of naked ladies due to the fact I'm too poor to buy real porn and I thought maybe viewing porn of a more artistic nature would alleviate some of the guilt I feel afterwards. Unfortunately nobody told me that chics back then wore about 20 layers of clothes and the ones that did pose naked were total plumpers. But my experience was not a total waste because I did notice a piece of men's fashion that for some reason has gone out of style...The codpiece. Sans a brief resurgence by the musical virtuoso Cameo, who sported a bright red codpiece during his groundbreaking 1986 video "Word Up", the codpiece has been lost to history the same way as the cape and the top hat.Now I'm not a great looking guy, in fact I'm totally average looking. Problem with that is I don't get many looks from the ladies. Sure they see me, but I don't really "turn heads" like a Ralph Machio or a Fred Savage would. But, and this where the genius comes in, if I wore a codpiece the women couldn't help but stop and look. See where I'm going here? Plus, women would almost be forced to look at my crotch so not only would I get looks, the codpiece would communicate that I mean business.
Armed with this life changing stroke of genius I headed out to my local mall to get me one bad-ass codpiece. But my dreams were dashed when I found out that nobody carries any type of codpieces whatsoever. I tried every store including the Cinnabon, the guy that sells the painted crabs, and the booth that puts your picture on a t-shirt and nobody had any clue what I was talking about. In fact, not only was I turned away, I was verbally assaulted. One merchant told me to "sober up" and another told me to "go back to France".
As usual, I may just be ahead of my time. Cameo, I feel your pain.
Rating:4.18
Comments
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1I can never find one big enough.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
2Depends on the type of woman you want to attract.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
3*quickly googles the word codpiece*
O_O I think I want one in brushed steel! Not only can I walk through the mall and have every woman stare at mt nether regions, but when one turns out to be a hardcore vegan feminist, it won't hurt when she kicks me swiftly in my nuts.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
4Make some alterations on a jockstrap and a cup.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
5or you could be completely wrong and just look like a moron
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
6try a costume shop. or a gay bar...
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
7You'd get even more looks if you just walked around with your cod hanging out of your piece.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
8gayasses!!! I'm gay and i have a codpiece (Home made of course). Sometimes I cram it up my butt for pleasure. you are all gay for even talking about it. gay i tell you, gay.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
9Cod pieces were originally just pieces of material, used to cover up due to openings in mens "pants" or leggings. Thom Browne included cod pieces in some of his latest designs, and they can also be found on many gay/leather web sites with items for sale.
Happy Shopping, you'll look ridiculous, lol.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
10More guys than just Cameo wore codpieces. Codpieces were popular in the 80s metal scene. Some were even rigged to shoot fire.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
11Imperial Stormtroopers wore them. I think it was probably to keep Luke Skywalker from going down on them though. Did anyone ever really buy the part about him having the hots for Princess Lea?
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
12what the hell people would just laugh at you and any girl would just hit on you to make fum off u thats if your in ireland anywya
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
13If your crotch doesn't already smell like fish, putting a cod in your pants will do the trick.
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
14use three cucumbers, one down each and one going up into yuour shirt, that will get you some looks
Posted 1 year ago | Report -
15I like how the poster thinks.
Posted 11 months ago | Report