Airline Etiquette - A Dirty Dingo Rant
After spending the last 30 hours travelling I have come up with some guidelines for Airline Etiquette.1. The metabolism challenged. You are banned from flying or alternatively you buy the seat next to you! I had to sit next to a large women for 14 hours on a flight and not only did it smell like she was smuggling dirty diapers into the US but she took up all of her seat and most of mine! If you cannot even master the art of putting down your fork then airline travel is beyond you!
2. Shit before you fly. Speaks for itself
3. Eat with your fucken mouth closed
4. If while removing your shoes for airport screening and a foul, eye burning odor overcomes you then its probably a good sign not to get on the plane and remove them for the flight.
5. The metal detectors sense metal, oddly enough, so to all my Asian travellers this does not mean you must remove one piece of jewellery at a time after each unsuccessful walk through the detector it means REMOVE THEM ALL AT THE FUCKEN START!
6. It is never ok to kick the seat in front of you
7. If its meal time, PUT YOUR FUCKEN SEAT UP ASSHOLE.
9. Finally, when the trip is almost at an end and you are collecting your baggage stand a few feet back from the carousel and once your bags come by you, and ONLY once it comes by you, move toward the carousel and take your bag. There is no fucken logical reason to stand as close as you possibly can to the carousel so all the other bags moving past you cannot be picked up!!!
Please add more as you feel!
Dirty Dingo
Rating:2.33
Comments
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1
The carousel thing pisses me off too, but it might be too much to expect everyone to be able to fly for 14 hours without taking a shit.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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2
When the 6' 2" 220 lb guy sitting in the middle seat next to you -- that had to take a middle seat because the poor bastard had to fly at the last minute -- asks your skinny little 5' 6" geek ass to change seats so he can sit on the aisle for the 5-hour flight, don't be a prick, change seats. How much room do you need anyway you little fucker?
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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3
8. Don't forget number 8!
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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4
hahaha, comment #3 is the winner!
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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5
After 30 hours of traveling and 14 hours on a plane, I bet everyone would miss a number here or there.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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6
Adding to this, please do not order 10 cokes or beers or glasses of water if you are sitting on the window side, especially if you are kind of hefty. I don't want to get up for all 50 times you have to go piss. Drink what you need to and sit the fuck down!
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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7
leave the little roller suitcase at home or pick up all 9 pounds, and carry it.
its like a herd of people with little trailers.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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8
The last rant about suitcases is stupid. Obviously you aren't a frequent flyer. Airports are big places and I sure as hell ain't carrying my luggage when it's got wheels.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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9
Do NOT wake up the person sleeping next to you on the red-eye when the soda cart comes around.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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10
Take. A. Shower. TAKE A SHOWER! Take a shower before you get on a plane. Shower. Please. Take a bath and wash your hair and brush your teeth and wipe your ass. Take. A. Shower.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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11
Also, don't get up every 10 minutes to retrieve crap from your bags in the overhead bin. Get your SHIT together before the plane takes off.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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12
on a self-seating airline (southwest) don't sit right next to someone unless every window and aisle seat is already taken. same should apply for a half-full assigned seating flight.
Posted 11 months ago | Report
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13
Fuck I'd never fly Southwest as it is - that could be a rant in itself. From what I've seen on that A&E show they have the rudest don't give a shit staff I've ever seen from an airline. I had a choice between American Airlines and Southwest at 100 bucks cheaper on a recent trip. 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count as to which airline I took.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
1
The carousel thing pisses me off too, but it might be too much to expect everyone to be able to fly for 14 hours without taking a shit. Posted 1 year ago | Report
2
When the 6' 2" 220 lb guy sitting in the middle seat next to you -- that had to take a middle seat because the poor bastard had to fly at the last minute -- asks your skinny little 5' 6" geek ass to change seats so he can sit on the aisle for the 5-hour flight, don't be a prick, change seats. How much room do you need anyway you little fucker?Posted 1 year ago | Report
3
8. Don't forget number 8!Posted 1 year ago | Report
4
hahaha, comment #3 is the winner!Posted 1 year ago | Report
5
After 30 hours of traveling and 14 hours on a plane, I bet everyone would miss a number here or there.Posted 1 year ago | Report
6
Adding to this, please do not order 10 cokes or beers or glasses of water if you are sitting on the window side, especially if you are kind of hefty. I don't want to get up for all 50 times you have to go piss. Drink what you need to and sit the fuck down!Posted 1 year ago | Report
7
leave the little roller suitcase at home or pick up all 9 pounds, and carry it.its like a herd of people with little trailers.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
8
The last rant about suitcases is stupid. Obviously you aren't a frequent flyer. Airports are big places and I sure as hell ain't carrying my luggage when it's got wheels.Posted 1 year ago | Report
9
Do NOT wake up the person sleeping next to you on the red-eye when the soda cart comes around.Posted 1 year ago | Report
10
Take. A. Shower. TAKE A SHOWER! Take a shower before you get on a plane. Shower. Please. Take a bath and wash your hair and brush your teeth and wipe your ass. Take. A. Shower.Posted 1 year ago | Report
11
Also, don't get up every 10 minutes to retrieve crap from your bags in the overhead bin. Get your SHIT together before the plane takes off. Posted 1 year ago | Report
12
on a self-seating airline (southwest) don't sit right next to someone unless every window and aisle seat is already taken. same should apply for a half-full assigned seating flight.Posted 11 months ago | Report
13
Fuck I'd never fly Southwest as it is - that could be a rant in itself. From what I've seen on that A&E show they have the rudest don't give a shit staff I've ever seen from an airline. I had a choice between American Airlines and Southwest at 100 bucks cheaper on a recent trip. 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count as to which airline I took.Posted 10 months ago | Report
