I have rid my home of mormons.
I highly doubt the missionaries will be knocking on my door again. They came knocking one evening as me and several of my friends were drinking some beer and bullshitting wanting to know if they could come in and tell me about Jesus. These are the words as close as i can remember them that sent them from my door. " Sure come on in, you're just in time for the ceremony."" What ceremony? "
" Well what is going to happen is first the goat is going to be led in and staked to the ground in the back yard. Next the guy with the biggest dick is going to fuck the goat in the ass while the rest of us stand around in a big circle, don't worry we'll show you the chant. Last, as the chanting grows louder we all pull out our knives, stab the goat to death and draw pentagrams with its blood.
Although they were very pale in the face by then they were still polite about not wanting to join in.
That was months ago. I have been happily mormon free ever since.
If you ever have a mormon problem you can always use this ceremony tactic. Results may vary and will work best if said with a straight face or demented smile. Die you bastards, die.
Rating:4.00
Comments
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1
I was not aware that Mormons go door to door but you must have gotten a group of beginners because the Mormons I know like a good goat fucking as much as the next guy.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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2
put your head into a hat and tell them that god wants them to fuck off and die. he wrote it on golden plates that you can't show them.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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3
Never had any Mormons come to our door but I used to work with one and she was a pain. I am surprised they did not try to get you to change your mind about having your ceremony though.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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4
Yeah, that happened. I'm sure the Mormon community spread the word to all of its members, giving the address of your house, so that no one would ever come back there again. Gosh, I'm sure they've never heard of someone lying to get rid of them! I bet they were fooled.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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5
And I thought I was intellectually deviant.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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6
just offer them a beer or a bong rip... they go away
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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7
That rocks! I did something similar when those fools showed up to my house. I invited them in, as they got through the door, I had my girl scream from downstairs, that she was hungry and I started yelling like she had escaped from the chains and shit, it was great!!! To see their face, they insistantly asked to leave and said they would come back another time, they have not been back since!!!
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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8
I just say I"m Jewish and don't they realize that the man they worship was a Jew and what business do they have trying to convert me.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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9
im just all like "my mind is a ball of clay for you to shape masters" and theyre all like "cool" Then im all like "gods pretty cool huh?" and theyre all like "for sure, now rub the lotion on your skin or you get the hose again" and im all like "k"
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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10
It's easy to get mormons to leave you alone!!! Just be a negro for a day, and they will act as if you don't exist!
Posted 9 months ago | Report
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11
hahahaha.. religious people are so annoying.. if you're religious, you shouldn't show it off.. keep it to yourself if you're that keen on it. mmkay?
Posted 9 months ago | Report
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12
Now it is time to rid your house of morons. Start with yourself.
Posted 8 months ago | Report
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13
I had a group of mormon missionaries come to my door and ask to speak to my parents... I am 24 and married, you idiots!
Posted 5 months ago | Report
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14
Mormons came knocking at my friends door once... only problem is, he also happened to be an ex special forces sniper, former swat leader, and mercenary. After he decked the first guy, some other mormon idiot has the huspus to tell him to calm down. Now he's got a new set of false teeth.
Posted 5 months ago | Report
1
I was not aware that Mormons go door to door but you must have gotten a group of beginners because the Mormons I know like a good goat fucking as much as the next guy.Posted 10 months ago | Report
2
put your head into a hat and tell them that god wants them to fuck off and die. he wrote it on golden plates that you can't show them. Posted 10 months ago | Report
3
Never had any Mormons come to our door but I used to work with one and she was a pain. I am surprised they did not try to get you to change your mind about having your ceremony though.Posted 10 months ago | Report
4
Yeah, that happened. I'm sure the Mormon community spread the word to all of its members, giving the address of your house, so that no one would ever come back there again. Gosh, I'm sure they've never heard of someone lying to get rid of them! I bet they were fooled.Posted 10 months ago | Report
5
And I thought I was intellectually deviant. Posted 10 months ago | Report
6
just offer them a beer or a bong rip... they go awayPosted 10 months ago | Report
7
That rocks! I did something similar when those fools showed up to my house. I invited them in, as they got through the door, I had my girl scream from downstairs, that she was hungry and I started yelling like she had escaped from the chains and shit, it was great!!! To see their face, they insistantly asked to leave and said they would come back another time, they have not been back since!!!Posted 10 months ago | Report
8
I just say I"m Jewish and don't they realize that the man they worship was a Jew and what business do they have trying to convert me.Posted 10 months ago | Report
9
im just all like "my mind is a ball of clay for you to shape masters" and theyre all like "cool" Then im all like "gods pretty cool huh?" and theyre all like "for sure, now rub the lotion on your skin or you get the hose again" and im all like "k"Posted 10 months ago | Report
10
It's easy to get mormons to leave you alone!!! Just be a negro for a day, and they will act as if you don't exist!Posted 9 months ago | Report
11
hahahaha.. religious people are so annoying.. if you're religious, you shouldn't show it off.. keep it to yourself if you're that keen on it. mmkay?Posted 9 months ago | Report
12
Now it is time to rid your house of morons. Start with yourself.Posted 8 months ago | Report
13
I had a group of mormon missionaries come to my door and ask to speak to my parents... I am 24 and married, you idiots!Posted 5 months ago | Report
14
Mormons came knocking at my friends door once... only problem is, he also happened to be an ex special forces sniper, former swat leader, and mercenary. After he decked the first guy, some other mormon idiot has the huspus to tell him to calm down. Now he's got a new set of false teeth.Posted 5 months ago | Report