If you ask me for anal sex, take a dump first
Every once in a while I get lucky and my girlfriend let's me bang her in the ass. Well, last night I'm fucking the shit (wrong expression I know) out of her pussy and she turns around and says, "You can stick it in my ass if you want" and that made me hornier than I already was, so I pull out of her pussy and start to slip it in her winky when about halfway in I run into an obstruction. The first thing that pops into my head is man, that's kinda gross bumping up against a turd with my dick, but then I figured maybe if I just kept banging her I could shove it back in far enough to get the damn thing out of my way.
Well, that was a bad idea because jamming the turd back in caused the gas behind it to back up and just about the time I went in for what probably would have been the thrust that got the turd out of my way, the gas exploded. It shot my dick and the turd out like a rocket. Now, if getting your dick explosively expelled from your chick's ass and then getting hit in the gut with a flying turd doesn't make your dick soft, you're a better man than I am.
Sir Ventalot
Rating:4.22
Comments
-
1
girls have a winky?
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
2
Yeah, I know that winky is a slang word for a dick but assholes look like winking eyes so that's what I call it.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
3
i know. that's why i quit fucking your girl in the ass too
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
4
that's why you test the water with you fingers first. If you feel anything, keep plowing her poonie.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
5
That won't work for me since my finger is only about half as long as my dick. Glad to hear it works for you though, even if you did just admit you have a short dick.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
6
thats when you go for the dirty sanchez. Fucking amature
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
7
This is pretty fucking gross dude. I would like to know how your girl reacted after she shat on your chest...on accident?
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
8
bahhhhahahaha thanks for the smiles
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
9
i'm interested in what happened after...
her reaction
your reaction
how'd you clean THAT up
ew.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
10
that's hilarious. i'd recommend sticking to the couch
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
11
Hey, it wasn't her fault I pounded her poop back up the chute and caused the explosion.
"i'd recommend sticking to the couch"
ummm... You fuck the couch?
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
12
When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
13
this is so funny...
i've quoted this post and it's going around on emails now.
i have no life.
still funny though.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
14
"When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath."
She never lets me stick it in her ass until she's had at least one orgasm and we were doing it doggy style when she asked me.
You know what they say about making assumptions.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
-
15
Okay, so she faked the orgasm and long ago turned around to avoid your horrible breath.
Or maybe you assume she's not faking. Poor deluded loser.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
1
girls have a winky?Posted 1 year ago | Report
2
Yeah, I know that winky is a slang word for a dick but assholes look like winking eyes so that's what I call it.Posted 1 year ago | Report
3
i know. that's why i quit fucking your girl in the ass tooPosted 1 year ago | Report
4
that's why you test the water with you fingers first. If you feel anything, keep plowing her poonie.Posted 1 year ago | Report
5
That won't work for me since my finger is only about half as long as my dick. Glad to hear it works for you though, even if you did just admit you have a short dick.Posted 1 year ago | Report
6
thats when you go for the dirty sanchez. Fucking amaturePosted 1 year ago | Report
7
This is pretty fucking gross dude. I would like to know how your girl reacted after she shat on your chest...on accident?Posted 1 year ago | Report
8
bahhhhahahaha thanks for the smilesPosted 1 year ago | Report
9
i'm interested in what happened after...her reaction
your reaction
how'd you clean THAT up
ew.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
10
that's hilarious. i'd recommend sticking to the couchPosted 1 year ago | Report
11
Hey, it wasn't her fault I pounded her poop back up the chute and caused the explosion."i'd recommend sticking to the couch"
ummm... You fuck the couch?
Posted 1 year ago | Report
12
When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath.Posted 1 year ago | Report
13
this is so funny...i've quoted this post and it's going around on emails now.
i have no life.
still funny though.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
14
"When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath."She never lets me stick it in her ass until she's had at least one orgasm and we were doing it doggy style when she asked me.
You know what they say about making assumptions.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
15
Okay, so she faked the orgasm and long ago turned around to avoid your horrible breath.Or maybe you assume she's not faking. Poor deluded loser.
Posted 1 year ago | Report