If you ask me for anal sex, take a dump first
Every once in a while I get lucky and my girlfriend let's me bang her in the ass. Well, last night I'm fucking the shit (wrong expression I know) out of her pussy and she turns around and says, "You can stick it in my ass if you want" and that made me hornier than I already was, so I pull out of her pussy and start to slip it in her winky when about halfway in I run into an obstruction. The first thing that pops into my head is man, that's kinda gross bumping up against a turd with my dick, but then I figured maybe if I just kept banging her I could shove it back in far enough to get the damn thing out of my way.
Well, that was a bad idea because jamming the turd back in caused the gas behind it to back up and just about the time I went in for what probably would have been the thrust that got the turd out of my way, the gas exploded. It shot my dick and the turd out like a rocket. Now, if getting your dick explosively expelled from your chick's ass and then getting hit in the gut with a flying turd doesn't make your dick soft, you're a better man than I am.
Sir Ventalot
Rating:4.22
Comments
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1girls have a winky?
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
2Yeah, I know that winky is a slang word for a dick but assholes look like winking eyes so that's what I call it.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
3i know. that's why i quit fucking your girl in the ass too
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
4that's why you test the water with you fingers first. If you feel anything, keep plowing her poonie.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
5That won't work for me since my finger is only about half as long as my dick. Glad to hear it works for you though, even if you did just admit you have a short dick.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
6thats when you go for the dirty sanchez. Fucking amature
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
7This is pretty fucking gross dude. I would like to know how your girl reacted after she shat on your chest...on accident?
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
8bahhhhahahaha thanks for the smiles
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
9i'm interested in what happened after...
her reaction
your reaction
how'd you clean THAT up
ew.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
10that's hilarious. i'd recommend sticking to the couch
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
11Hey, it wasn't her fault I pounded her poop back up the chute and caused the explosion.
"i'd recommend sticking to the couch"
ummm... You fuck the couch?
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
12When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
13this is so funny...
i've quoted this post and it's going around on emails now.
i have no life.
still funny though.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
14"When a girl says you can stick it in her ass, it's because she's given up on ever reaching orgasm from your pathetic dick and she'd at least like to turn around to avoid the horrible breath."
She never lets me stick it in her ass until she's had at least one orgasm and we were doing it doggy style when she asked me.
You know what they say about making assumptions.
Posted 8 months ago | Report -
15Okay, so she faked the orgasm and long ago turned around to avoid your horrible breath.
Or maybe you assume she's not faking. Poor deluded loser.
Posted 8 months ago | Report