If you ask me for anal sex, take a dump first
Every once in a while I get lucky and my girlfriend let's me bang her in the ass. Well, last night I'm fucking the shit (wrong expression I know) out of her pussy and she turns around and says, "You can stick it in my ass if you want" and that made me hornier than I already was, so I pull out of her pussy and start to slip it in her winky when about halfway in I run into an obstruction. The first thing that pops into my head is man, that's kinda gross bumping up against a turd with my dick, but then I figured maybe if I just kept banging her I could shove it back in far enough to get the damn thing out of my way.
Well, that was a bad idea because jamming the turd back in caused the gas behind it to back up and just about the time I went in for what probably would have been the thrust that got the turd out of my way, the gas exploded. It shot my dick and the turd out like a rocket. Now, if getting your dick explosively expelled from your chick's ass and then getting hit in the gut with a flying turd doesn't make your dick soft, you're a better man than I am.
Sir Ventalot
Rating:4.22
Comments
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16
"Or maybe you assume she's not faking. Poor deluded loser."
Yeah, she fakes her orgasms so she can get me to fuck her in the ass even though she doesn't really like it that much. Yeah that makes sense. Projecting?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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17
Big vagina, not small penis.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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18
BWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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19
"Yeah, she fakes her orgasms so she can get me to fuck her in the ass even though she doesn't really like it that much. Yeah that makes sense. "
She fakes her orgasms because after enough of your pathetic half-assed mulling around her clit is sore, and she'd rather just turn around, close her eyes, and imagine she's with me.
It's not projecting, she actually told me that ya cocksucker.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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20
HAHAAHAHAHAH that is the most fucked up shit i have ever herd man! i used to joke around about shit like that when i was in like 7th grade but it actuly happened to you... you are truly a man of honor.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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21
before I let her walk out of my place, I would make her give me quarters for the laundrymat. No way in hell those sheets are going into my washing machine. Dirty bitch
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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22
OMFG! I PUT MY DICK IN HER ASS AND THERE WAS
....
POOP!!!!
...
IN THERE!!!!! WHODATHUNKIT?!?!?!??!
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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23
Did you feel like a fuckturd?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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24
ha ha, this is a great story. my wife will never let me fuck her in the ass, so I don't have to worry about getting hit with a turd missile.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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25
lie
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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26
Yukk,and I just ate a tuna fish sandwich
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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27
man this is so fucking funny - i nearly had to call an ambulance to resuscitate me. fuck this is FUNNY LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!
Can you tell us about the expression on her face when it happened?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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28
LMAOOOOOO! but ffs i haven't had breakfast yet urghhh! n yea what was the reaction afterwards its the key part missing!!?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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29
Well most likely this didn't happen as told from the horse's mouth, but either way it's funny. If i was you I would keep a trash can next to the bed, and maybe wear an apron or something :P. Oh and quit bragging about your dick, if it was really so big most likely she wouldn't offer to let you put it in her ass. If you think people will be convinced by it you're wrong..it seems like you're insecure about it, maybe its tiny. My condolences.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
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30
HOLY SHIT!!! (sorry) I am laughing my ass off right now!!!
Posted 10 months ago | Report
16
"Or maybe you assume she's not faking. Poor deluded loser."Yeah, she fakes her orgasms so she can get me to fuck her in the ass even though she doesn't really like it that much. Yeah that makes sense. Projecting?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
17
Big vagina, not small penis.Posted 10 months ago | Report
18
BWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!Posted 10 months ago | Report
19
"Yeah, she fakes her orgasms so she can get me to fuck her in the ass even though she doesn't really like it that much. Yeah that makes sense. "She fakes her orgasms because after enough of your pathetic half-assed mulling around her clit is sore, and she'd rather just turn around, close her eyes, and imagine she's with me.
It's not projecting, she actually told me that ya cocksucker.
Posted 10 months ago | Report
20
HAHAAHAHAHAH that is the most fucked up shit i have ever herd man! i used to joke around about shit like that when i was in like 7th grade but it actuly happened to you... you are truly a man of honor.Posted 10 months ago | Report
21
before I let her walk out of my place, I would make her give me quarters for the laundrymat. No way in hell those sheets are going into my washing machine. Dirty bitchPosted 10 months ago | Report
22
OMFG! I PUT MY DICK IN HER ASS AND THERE WAS....
POOP!!!!
...
IN THERE!!!!! WHODATHUNKIT?!?!?!??!
Posted 10 months ago | Report
23
Did you feel like a fuckturd?Posted 10 months ago | Report
24
ha ha, this is a great story. my wife will never let me fuck her in the ass, so I don't have to worry about getting hit with a turd missile. Posted 10 months ago | Report
25
liePosted 10 months ago | Report
26
Yukk,and I just ate a tuna fish sandwichPosted 10 months ago | Report
27
man this is so fucking funny - i nearly had to call an ambulance to resuscitate me. fuck this is FUNNY LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!Can you tell us about the expression on her face when it happened?
Posted 10 months ago | Report
28
LMAOOOOOO! but ffs i haven't had breakfast yet urghhh! n yea what was the reaction afterwards its the key part missing!!?Posted 10 months ago | Report
29
Well most likely this didn't happen as told from the horse's mouth, but either way it's funny. If i was you I would keep a trash can next to the bed, and maybe wear an apron or something :P. Oh and quit bragging about your dick, if it was really so big most likely she wouldn't offer to let you put it in her ass. If you think people will be convinced by it you're wrong..it seems like you're insecure about it, maybe its tiny. My condolences.Posted 10 months ago | Report
30
HOLY SHIT!!! (sorry) I am laughing my ass off right now!!!Posted 10 months ago | Report
