Directory Home Post a Vent Random Vents QuickVents Anonymous Email Hide Profanity

	Categories Celebrities Consumer Family Other People Politics Relationships Religion School Sex Work

	Popular Too tight? Sex w/o a Bed Stop the madness Bi racials Is it cheating?!?! Sarah Palin Supporters. Michael Jackson too sic... People who can't count ... Rosie O'donnell... IDIOT Guidance Counselor

	Top Rated Sarah Palin Supporters. Stop the madness Bi racials Sex w/o a Bed Attention IDIOT Guidance Counselor NWA Can Suck it GyyyyAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHH... Rosie O'donnell... People who can't count ...

Site Search

    Subscribe

  

   Follow us on

	Twitter backgrounds: TwitterImage.com

I'm your nurse, not your nursemaid. There's a difference.

Having a cold isn't an emergency. Neither is strep throat or "feeling weak". If you are in your 20s and 30's with no other underlying health issues, take some advil, drink some gatorade and you will feel better in a few days. The man quietly having a heart attack in the waiting room because he didn't want to "bother the triage nurse again" can really use that bed.

Having a yeast infection, your period, routine STD and pregnancy testing isn't an emergency. Pardon me for not rushing you right into the back. I'm trying to triage those three ambulance patients who are unable to breathe for various reasons. Breathing before all else, so pull up a chair and prepare to make a day out of it.

Don't come in for chest pain and refuse the cardiac monitor, the bloodwork and the EKG. I'm not a freaking mind reader, stay home if you don't think you are really having a heart attack. Trust me, you'll know for sure.

Abdominal pain is not cured with cheetos and mountain dew in the waiting room. Please abstain for your wait so I'm not cleaning it off my shoes when you suddenly have more abdominal pain. Be nice to the paramedics and the EMTs. Don't call them for a ride to the hospital. If you can sit in a wheelchair and you are in "no acute distress", you are going out front to the waiting room. To wait. And you get an ambulance bill. And no, they won't give you a ride home, to the mall or whereever else it is you need to be. Call a cab, and no, I am not giving you a voucher.

When I am running down the hallway with a big red metal cart, get out of the way. Now is not the time to ask me to look up lab results or fetch a pillow or ice chips. I'll get there. Later. If you are talking, you are also capable of waiting five minutes while we press on that nice person's chest. No, I don't know when "your room will be ready". You haven't seen the ER doc yet. I have no idea if you are going to be admitted. Sit still and let me draw your blood and put and IV in you. This way when our doc comes to see you, all of your results are there. He's 20 deep in charts and there are 50 more people with your exact complaint out in the waiting room. Don't badmouth the doc or tell me what you'd like to do with him in a closet. I'm going to tell him. Then we are going to laugh at you. A lot.

We don't purposely bring patients to the floor at shift change. To any fellow nurses who are reading this - my apologies. Talk to the bed supe and try to press the docs to discharge patients before 5pm. If we have to treat the hospital like a hotel in this era of concierge healthcare, then we should have a mandated checkout time. 11am works for me - it coincides with the time that the sickly masses wake up and decide they need a doctor's note for sleeping through work and show up. If you wipe your own ass or wash your own balls at home, you can do it here. I'll even get you a wash cloth and ensure that the water is warm. I'm not heartless. And I'm nobody's chump, you sick freak.

Ah... I feel much better now...

Rating:5.00

1 2 3 4 5

Comments Add your comment

Read the rules! Comments are added immediately but if you abuse this right your comment will be deleted and your IP will be banned permanently. Please report abuse.