I hate my mother
I havent talked to her in oner 8 months. I am always " the bigger person" who tries to start up the relationship again, and again. She always seems to freak out on me about something. I'm 34 and have two kids, 13 & 10, who see her how she is. And i dont want them to go through the same shit i did as a kid. They dont even want to talk to her, even with my proding. We have since moved and my wife and i have decided to cut off ties with her all together. I hate her for what she is and has always been.Rating:3.67
Comments
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16
I wrote comment 7 in March it's now May and I have not spoken to my Mother since March. I have to admit I've never been happier!! I have got so much more confidence in myself than when she was in my life. I have realised that my mother doesn't love me or like me and rather than try to make her love me I've accepted it. I felt bad for the first few weeks, I was worried that something would happen to her and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. I don't feel this way anymore, I can't believe just how bad she made me feel I only fully realised when I cut her out of my life what a negative horrible person she really is!!!
When people ask how she is I tell them the truth, I don't know nor care how she is.
Anyone can have a baby it doesn't make them a mother.
Posted 6 months ago | Report
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17
I really feel for you, but I think you have made the right decision, because you need to think about the impact this would be having on your wife and children. If this continued, you would have probably just got more upset and it does take a toll on you. Is your father still with your mother ? If so, do you have contact with your father even though you hate your mother ? I decided to cut ties with my mother after years of mental abuse and constantly feeling suicidal after having had any type of contact with her. It's taken me 10 years on and off to break all ties with her and not to ring her just because I feel that I have an obligation to see how she is, which always ends up in an argument because of something hurtful she has said. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I've never been happier with my life. I am happy for my children and partner and wish I had done it years ago. I no longer have to dread the phone calls, visits, constant put downs, etc. I have never once though, said to my mother that she is not allowed to ring her grandchildren - I stopped talking to her, and that was it. It has been 7 weeks now and no phone calls, nothing - It's a huge relief that she hasn't rung, however, the problem is, my dear father hasn't contacted us in any way, which I'm sad about. I love my father very much and I know he loves me, my partner and dotes on the grandchildren - my mother never had any time for any of us and was always so self-centred, yet my father openly showed his affection to all of us, always. He's a great man. I know full well the reason why he hasn't contacted us. As he has told me on several occasions in the past, he has to live with her abuse day in day out and completely understands how I feel, but she is his wife and he has to stick by her. She would give him eternal hell if she found out he rang and spoke to us. Recently my sister told me that our father wanted her to pass on a message to me, my partner and the kids, that he really misses us and loves us dearly. My mother didn't even utter our names to my sister. That is how much she loves us. Is there anyone else out there who is going through a similar situation and can offer any advice please ?
Posted 6 months ago | Report
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18
"But he/she gave you life!"
The way to respond to this is: "I never asked to be born."
Anyway, the only reason people have kids is out of pure selfishness. You owe your parents NOTHING. They owe you EVERYTHING.
Posted 5 months ago | Report
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19
I'm in AA right now, mostly because of my difficult mother and the lifetime of mental and emotional abuse she put me through. She's obsessive compulsive and can't live unless she has some drama or a good argument going. She always looks for the worst in people and if she can't find it, she invents it. Then she pushes, slanders, and provokes people until their characteristics come out with their anger and when that happens, she's satisfied.... "aha, I knew it! "
But some of my friends at AA told me that I can't let her get to me or draw me into her drama. As they told me "She knows how to push your buttons... Because she's the one who put them there in the first place! "
Yes, I know how you feel. And I also know the stigma attached to anyone who doesn't adore their mother. But people are how they are and we can't change em.
Besides that, the world's backwards from how we want it to be. For instance, my mother loves my wife and hates me!
Good luck and thanks for the honesty.
Posted 4 months ago | Report
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20
My mother is the most irritating i have worked and supported my mother since i was 16 she does not feel she has to work i am now 27 and she thinks she can tell me what to with my children and she doesnt want me with my husband! She is living with us now!!!! We cant even have a private conversation in our own bedroom because she puts her ear to the door! She belittles me constantly and is always telling me what to do with my money. My husband and i are fighting all the time. She makes awful comments about him and myself! I understand she gave birth to me and raised me but why is it all on me to support her for her laziness??? I hate my mother!!!!
Posted 2 months ago | Report
16
I wrote comment 7 in March it's now May and I have not spoken to my Mother since March. I have to admit I've never been happier!! I have got so much more confidence in myself than when she was in my life. I have realised that my mother doesn't love me or like me and rather than try to make her love me I've accepted it. I felt bad for the first few weeks, I was worried that something would happen to her and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. I don't feel this way anymore, I can't believe just how bad she made me feel I only fully realised when I cut her out of my life what a negative horrible person she really is!!!When people ask how she is I tell them the truth, I don't know nor care how she is.
Anyone can have a baby it doesn't make them a mother.
Posted 6 months ago | Report
17
I really feel for you, but I think you have made the right decision, because you need to think about the impact this would be having on your wife and children. If this continued, you would have probably just got more upset and it does take a toll on you. Is your father still with your mother ? If so, do you have contact with your father even though you hate your mother ? I decided to cut ties with my mother after years of mental abuse and constantly feeling suicidal after having had any type of contact with her. It's taken me 10 years on and off to break all ties with her and not to ring her just because I feel that I have an obligation to see how she is, which always ends up in an argument because of something hurtful she has said. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I've never been happier with my life. I am happy for my children and partner and wish I had done it years ago. I no longer have to dread the phone calls, visits, constant put downs, etc. I have never once though, said to my mother that she is not allowed to ring her grandchildren - I stopped talking to her, and that was it. It has been 7 weeks now and no phone calls, nothing - It's a huge relief that she hasn't rung, however, the problem is, my dear father hasn't contacted us in any way, which I'm sad about. I love my father very much and I know he loves me, my partner and dotes on the grandchildren - my mother never had any time for any of us and was always so self-centred, yet my father openly showed his affection to all of us, always. He's a great man. I know full well the reason why he hasn't contacted us. As he has told me on several occasions in the past, he has to live with her abuse day in day out and completely understands how I feel, but she is his wife and he has to stick by her. She would give him eternal hell if she found out he rang and spoke to us. Recently my sister told me that our father wanted her to pass on a message to me, my partner and the kids, that he really misses us and loves us dearly. My mother didn't even utter our names to my sister. That is how much she loves us. Is there anyone else out there who is going through a similar situation and can offer any advice please ?Posted 6 months ago | Report
18
"But he/she gave you life!"The way to respond to this is: "I never asked to be born."
Anyway, the only reason people have kids is out of pure selfishness. You owe your parents NOTHING. They owe you EVERYTHING.
Posted 5 months ago | Report
19
I'm in AA right now, mostly because of my difficult mother and the lifetime of mental and emotional abuse she put me through. She's obsessive compulsive and can't live unless she has some drama or a good argument going. She always looks for the worst in people and if she can't find it, she invents it. Then she pushes, slanders, and provokes people until their characteristics come out with their anger and when that happens, she's satisfied.... "aha, I knew it! "But some of my friends at AA told me that I can't let her get to me or draw me into her drama. As they told me "She knows how to push your buttons... Because she's the one who put them there in the first place! "
Yes, I know how you feel. And I also know the stigma attached to anyone who doesn't adore their mother. But people are how they are and we can't change em.
Besides that, the world's backwards from how we want it to be. For instance, my mother loves my wife and hates me!
Good luck and thanks for the honesty.
Posted 4 months ago | Report
20
My mother is the most irritating i have worked and supported my mother since i was 16 she does not feel she has to work i am now 27 and she thinks she can tell me what to with my children and she doesnt want me with my husband! She is living with us now!!!! We cant even have a private conversation in our own bedroom because she puts her ear to the door! She belittles me constantly and is always telling me what to do with my money. My husband and i are fighting all the time. She makes awful comments about him and myself! I understand she gave birth to me and raised me but why is it all on me to support her for her laziness??? I hate my mother!!!!Posted 2 months ago | Report
