Not being able to shit
It's one of the worst things in the world when constipation strikes.The way my knuckles turn white as I grip the side of the toilet bowl and grunt in pain as another haemorrhoid gets blasted by a giant non productive fart.
Begone, begone from my ass oh foul smelling night turd.
Leave my poor tortured bowels and exit gracefully down the pan.
Rating:5.00
Comments
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1
You need to drink more fluids my brother! And bend over with your stomach on your legs when you're sitting on the pot. Also, try to push out without flexing your stomach... Try it while putting your hands on your stomach (while you're bending over) and make sure your stomach stays completely soft. You won't get hems that way.
Peace out my brother
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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2
You should eat a lot of apples, drink apple juice, and eat apple sauce. That always gets me unplugged. mmmmmmmmmmmm, fiber.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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3
Something new on Ventibate every day: Instructions on how to take a shit.
I love this place :)
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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4
I find punching myself in the lower abdomen when sitting on the toilet can work too...
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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5
#3 - LOL!!! So educational, wot?
OP - one word -- Enema. $4.50 at the local pharmacy. Just, um, be "prepared"...
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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6
Fibercon... It's a miracle pill that has no cramps or side effects. Just drink a bottle of h2o w/it and you will have an enormous shit in the morning without any cramping or grunting. I find that my pants fit better and I retain less water throughout the day if I have a huge lumpy turd in the AM. I love that "just shit my brains out" feeling. mmmmmmplop...... Aaaaaahhhhhh! enjoy
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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7
Yeah, it fuckin' damn well hurts like hell when it feels like you're giving birth to a tall boy beer can. Feels like you're going to rip in half and have cleavage all the way up your back.
I don't have that problem. I'm the opposite. I blow out this greasy, foul smelling, messy, wet, splatter the whole toilet bowl, shitzilla turd explosion that's accompanied with this anal swamp gas that sounds like a double barrel shot gun under water. Seriously man, I have to jump in the shower after I viciously ass-vomit because the back of my ass looks like I tried to run away from a shit grenade. It's as if my ass hates me. What did I ever do to my ass to make it hate me so much. Oh why, oh why ass.... Stop being so mean to me.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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8
7..... That was the funniest thing I've ever read my whole life. I hate not being able to shit.. Like when your grabbing on for dear life to push it out and you can't and when you feel a little come out, if you don't hold it there it gets sucked back into your ass. i hate that.... Then you have to start all over again.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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9
#8... You must be referring to that extra wide lumpy bluntoid at the starting end. The part that makes it feel like you're dilating up 8 cm. Once you get past that, it's not so bad. However, shit is always tapered on the finishing end so that your asshole doesn't snap shut.
OH FUCK... I got to run now. I don't dare blow this Buffalo sized fart whilst sitting here. Feels like a load of flammable liquid in front of it. I best go sit on the can and do a fuel dump like a 7 biggy 7. Yup, here it comes. Another Filthy McNasty rip 'n' splode.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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10
Worst is when its half way out my arse and my goddam fucking wife open's that shrill harpy mouth of hers and the dam thing shloocks back up my arse faster than greased lightning...
SSSCCCHHHllooooock!
Disgusting!
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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11
7 wow damn dude thats the sickest thing i have ever read.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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12
Even worse when it gets stuck half way out for 5 minutes and its the width of a football. i almost got the end of a toothbrush to push it back in it was that unbearable man....
FUCK THAT SHIT MAN
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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13
#12... So instead of the peekaboo shit like these sphincter throbbing, pain inflicted, can't coax it out of me, grunt till I'm red in the face poor bastards, it sounds like a bungee shit. You know, the dangler that dangles endlessly. But in your case, pinching it off so you can recuperate from the gut wrenching agony and try later sounds out of the question. Especially when it's that big and probably the consistency of birch wood.
OOOOOOOUCH!!!
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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14
"Bungee Shit"?!?!?!?! OMG!!
ROTFLMAO!!!
(Almost misspelled it with an "m" - tho could be appropriate!)
Posted 3 months ago | Report
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15
How I can only dream of those days when I didn't have to get out the level 1 hazmat suit and clean up the toilet bowl after an ass MOAB. If only the Pentagon was to find out how deadly my ass was, it would be pointed out the side of a C-130 over Faluja. "Take that you filthy insurgents, and be grossed out to death by the wrath of my ass."
Maybe I will try Fibercon. Just once I would love to pump out a terrific Captains Log. Yeah, a 28" toilet python that takes 6 flushes to get rid of.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
1
You need to drink more fluids my brother! And bend over with your stomach on your legs when you're sitting on the pot. Also, try to push out without flexing your stomach... Try it while putting your hands on your stomach (while you're bending over) and make sure your stomach stays completely soft. You won't get hems that way. Peace out my brother
Posted 3 months ago | Report
2
You should eat a lot of apples, drink apple juice, and eat apple sauce. That always gets me unplugged. mmmmmmmmmmmm, fiber.Posted 3 months ago | Report
3
Something new on Ventibate every day: Instructions on how to take a shit.I love this place :)
Posted 3 months ago | Report
4
I find punching myself in the lower abdomen when sitting on the toilet can work too...Posted 3 months ago | Report
5
#3 - LOL!!! So educational, wot?OP - one word -- Enema. $4.50 at the local pharmacy. Just, um, be "prepared"...
Posted 3 months ago | Report
6
Fibercon... It's a miracle pill that has no cramps or side effects. Just drink a bottle of h2o w/it and you will have an enormous shit in the morning without any cramping or grunting. I find that my pants fit better and I retain less water throughout the day if I have a huge lumpy turd in the AM. I love that "just shit my brains out" feeling. mmmmmmplop...... Aaaaaahhhhhh! enjoyPosted 3 months ago | Report
7
Yeah, it fuckin' damn well hurts like hell when it feels like you're giving birth to a tall boy beer can. Feels like you're going to rip in half and have cleavage all the way up your back.I don't have that problem. I'm the opposite. I blow out this greasy, foul smelling, messy, wet, splatter the whole toilet bowl, shitzilla turd explosion that's accompanied with this anal swamp gas that sounds like a double barrel shot gun under water. Seriously man, I have to jump in the shower after I viciously ass-vomit because the back of my ass looks like I tried to run away from a shit grenade. It's as if my ass hates me. What did I ever do to my ass to make it hate me so much. Oh why, oh why ass.... Stop being so mean to me.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
8
7..... That was the funniest thing I've ever read my whole life. I hate not being able to shit.. Like when your grabbing on for dear life to push it out and you can't and when you feel a little come out, if you don't hold it there it gets sucked back into your ass. i hate that.... Then you have to start all over again.Posted 3 months ago | Report
9
#8... You must be referring to that extra wide lumpy bluntoid at the starting end. The part that makes it feel like you're dilating up 8 cm. Once you get past that, it's not so bad. However, shit is always tapered on the finishing end so that your asshole doesn't snap shut.OH FUCK... I got to run now. I don't dare blow this Buffalo sized fart whilst sitting here. Feels like a load of flammable liquid in front of it. I best go sit on the can and do a fuel dump like a 7 biggy 7. Yup, here it comes. Another Filthy McNasty rip 'n' splode.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
10
Worst is when its half way out my arse and my goddam fucking wife open's that shrill harpy mouth of hers and the dam thing shloocks back up my arse faster than greased lightning...SSSCCCHHHllooooock!
Disgusting!
Posted 3 months ago | Report
11
7 wow damn dude thats the sickest thing i have ever read.Posted 3 months ago | Report
12
Even worse when it gets stuck half way out for 5 minutes and its the width of a football. i almost got the end of a toothbrush to push it back in it was that unbearable man....FUCK THAT SHIT MAN
Posted 3 months ago | Report
13
#12... So instead of the peekaboo shit like these sphincter throbbing, pain inflicted, can't coax it out of me, grunt till I'm red in the face poor bastards, it sounds like a bungee shit. You know, the dangler that dangles endlessly. But in your case, pinching it off so you can recuperate from the gut wrenching agony and try later sounds out of the question. Especially when it's that big and probably the consistency of birch wood.OOOOOOOUCH!!!
Posted 3 months ago | Report
14
"Bungee Shit"?!?!?!?! OMG!!ROTFLMAO!!!
(Almost misspelled it with an "m" - tho could be appropriate!)
Posted 3 months ago | Report
15
How I can only dream of those days when I didn't have to get out the level 1 hazmat suit and clean up the toilet bowl after an ass MOAB. If only the Pentagon was to find out how deadly my ass was, it would be pointed out the side of a C-130 over Faluja. "Take that you filthy insurgents, and be grossed out to death by the wrath of my ass."Maybe I will try Fibercon. Just once I would love to pump out a terrific Captains Log. Yeah, a 28" toilet python that takes 6 flushes to get rid of.
Posted 3 months ago | Report
