An Open Letter
To all the degenerates/alcoholics/homeless/what-have-you:I know that sometimes, circumstances that could be beyond your control could necessitate relieving your bladder somewhere without official urination facilities. However, if you do feel the need/desire/sexual urge to take a piss NOT in a toilet, I have but one humble request. Could you find it in your hearts to perhaps find a place to pee that's got some sort of drainage so that I don't have to walk past something that smells worse than my cat's litterbox during my daily commute? I know you might not have a more civilized place to go, especially in the middle of the night, but for god's sake don't urinate all over the stairs to the El platform because the smell just.... Lingers, and it is most foul.
Thank you ever so much,
Anonymous Citizen
Rating:3.40
Comments
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1
Dear Anonymous,
I have just as much right to the El platform as you, and if I see fit to relieve myself there - because nature calls, and I have nowhere else to go - then man up and tough it out.
Or, perhaps you could learn to drive a car, or pay for a goddamn cab, you whiny, arrogant, self-serving asshole. Fuck you!
Sincerely,
Homeless Drunk-assed Pirate (US Citizen)
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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2
Dear Drunk-assed Pirate,
With regret, I have to inform you, that no, you do not have the right to relieve yourself in any place you deem suitable for that - that much is considered to be a misdemeanor, and punished on terms similar to punishment for indecent public exposure.
However, if you do insist on your natural rights instead of those society had put forth, I`d like to notify you, that natural laws also permit and encourage to ostracise you via the mean of repeated booting you in the face whenever you come within vicinity of anyone willing to do so, if control of your bladder is utterly beyond your control.
Sincerely, Anonymous Deux.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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3
Dear Anonymous Douche,
Have you ever been in the woods, perhaps on a camping trip? Did you piss anywhere, or did you wait for a proper facility with plumbing fixtures and running water? If you pissed anywhere indiscriminantly, then I submit that you encroached upon wildlife's habitat to do so, and are as much of a fuckwad as you claim I am. However, I must point out your rampant hypocrisy.
Or, have you ever been so drunk leaving a bar or party, that you could not absolutely wait to relieve yourself in a restroom, and therefore let fly? If so, then you are still a hypocrite and a fuckwad.
But, since you claim perfection in your arrogance, then I want to see the fucking holes in your hands and feet where they nailed your ass to the cross 2000 years ago, asshole!
Look at the perfect wuss. Hiding behind anonymity and making threats of bodily harm. Man up and post your info, and I'm sure that someone might oblige you. Perhaps even me.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate II
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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4
Best vent and response ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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5
"learn to drive a car".... What's wrong with walking to work, no. 1?
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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6
Dear Drunk-assed Pirate,
If I can, I`d like to direct your attention at the fact that performing act of urination at wilderness is not considered a public act - why, for it to be public, there has to be public that will complain about said act.
But since we have complaining party here, all requirements had been fullfulled, and therefore it`s a misdemeanor.
Also, I`d like to direct your attention at the facts that animals are not privvy to protection against indecent exposals, nor to property rights of any kind.
Sincerely, Anonymous Deux.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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7
Look, payback sucks. Just find out who did it and whizz on their two-bedroom refrigerator carton, cot down at the mission or van down by the river. Maybe throw a deuce into the equation to better make your point.
I'd much rather read/hear about a drive-by shitting then the real thing which is where y'all are headed if you don't calm down.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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8
Dear Drunk-Assed Pirate,
I know how to drive a car and have a valid license and membership in a carsharing organization but driving to school and finding parking on an urban campus with mostly metered lots, or paying almost $400 for 10 weeks of parking priveleges in a garage is economically unsound, or as I like to refer to it... STUPID. Public transportation is easier, cheapier, more environmentally friendly, and simply more practical overall.
The commute via train takes less than 20 minutes. A drive across town, in rush hour, including looking for parking, would take approximately an hour. Again--STUPID.
Sincerely,
OP
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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9
OP, get a can of mace, when the pisser pulls his/her pants down, give them a good shot of it, that will change their idea of where they piss.....
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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10
Dear OP,
Try riding your bike. It's even more eco-friendly than your mass transit experience, healthier for you, and doesn't cost you a damn thing - since you're so cost-conscious.
And, while you're at your urban center of "higher learning", try learning to be more compassionate of those less fortunate than you. After all, some of them might be college graduates who couldn't find a job in this economy.
And, a word of advice... don't act holier-than-thou, unless you have those nail holes in your hands and feet.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate (An employed, college graduate, taxpaying homeowner and US Citizen)
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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11
Dear DAP:
Sorry, a 6 mile bike ride isn't my cup of tea.
And it has nothing to do with a lack of compassion. I've bought food for homeless shelters, I donate to food banks that help feed those who can't feed themselves, but there's just NO REASON to urinate in a public transportation stairwell. For fuck's sake, urinate in an alley where tons of people aren't walking around, it's not that difficult to find one in this city.
And no one's acting holier-than-thou, I'm not saying I'm better than these people, I'm just saying if you're going to pee in public, find a better place to do it.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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12
^ pussing out of a six mile bike ride? What a fucking weenie.
Also, I see how you exhort your munificence, but no one gives a rat's ass just how much of a shining example of humanity you are with all of your charitable contributions.
You also stated: " And no one's acting holier-than-thou, I'm not saying I'm better than these people, I'm just saying if you're going to pee in public, find a better place to do it."
First, let me put on my grammar Nazi hat and chastise you for a horrible run-on sentence.
Second, let me point out the opening of your rant --> "To all the degenerates/alcoholics/homeless/what-have-you:" If that doesn't sound like you re looking down on people, from your hallowed perch, I have no idea what does.
Finally, who says that wasn't the best place for the person to urinate? I, for one, would much rather piss on your handrail to the El, than piss my Levi's when I'm drunk off my ass. Handrail beats Levi's every time, dickhole.
So, get a fucking life and deal with it.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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13
Putting it very bluntly, you always have an option to urinate on the lawn or the roots of nearest tree, where your gracious gift would be definitely appreciated.
So, if you can`t be bothered to turn into appropriate direction, why, that is defined pretty easily - "I`m going to do petty annoying stuff just because I want a lot of attention and getting spanked for wetting my bed is the best affection I ever got out of my parents."
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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14
# 13, thank you. you speak the truth.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
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15
Jesus, isn't this that same Russian dill hole that posted that same holier than thou " I can't help where I am born" bullshit rant?
Posted 2 months ago | Report
1
Dear Anonymous, I have just as much right to the El platform as you, and if I see fit to relieve myself there - because nature calls, and I have nowhere else to go - then man up and tough it out.
Or, perhaps you could learn to drive a car, or pay for a goddamn cab, you whiny, arrogant, self-serving asshole. Fuck you!
Sincerely,
Homeless Drunk-assed Pirate (US Citizen)
Posted 2 months ago | Report
2
Dear Drunk-assed Pirate,With regret, I have to inform you, that no, you do not have the right to relieve yourself in any place you deem suitable for that - that much is considered to be a misdemeanor, and punished on terms similar to punishment for indecent public exposure.
However, if you do insist on your natural rights instead of those society had put forth, I`d like to notify you, that natural laws also permit and encourage to ostracise you via the mean of repeated booting you in the face whenever you come within vicinity of anyone willing to do so, if control of your bladder is utterly beyond your control.
Sincerely, Anonymous Deux.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
3
Dear Anonymous Douche,Have you ever been in the woods, perhaps on a camping trip? Did you piss anywhere, or did you wait for a proper facility with plumbing fixtures and running water? If you pissed anywhere indiscriminantly, then I submit that you encroached upon wildlife's habitat to do so, and are as much of a fuckwad as you claim I am. However, I must point out your rampant hypocrisy.
Or, have you ever been so drunk leaving a bar or party, that you could not absolutely wait to relieve yourself in a restroom, and therefore let fly? If so, then you are still a hypocrite and a fuckwad.
But, since you claim perfection in your arrogance, then I want to see the fucking holes in your hands and feet where they nailed your ass to the cross 2000 years ago, asshole!
Look at the perfect wuss. Hiding behind anonymity and making threats of bodily harm. Man up and post your info, and I'm sure that someone might oblige you. Perhaps even me.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate II
Posted 2 months ago | Report
4
Best vent and response ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Posted 2 months ago | Report
5
"learn to drive a car".... What's wrong with walking to work, no. 1?Posted 2 months ago | Report
6
Dear Drunk-assed Pirate,If I can, I`d like to direct your attention at the fact that performing act of urination at wilderness is not considered a public act - why, for it to be public, there has to be public that will complain about said act.
But since we have complaining party here, all requirements had been fullfulled, and therefore it`s a misdemeanor.
Also, I`d like to direct your attention at the facts that animals are not privvy to protection against indecent exposals, nor to property rights of any kind.
Sincerely, Anonymous Deux.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
7
Look, payback sucks. Just find out who did it and whizz on their two-bedroom refrigerator carton, cot down at the mission or van down by the river. Maybe throw a deuce into the equation to better make your point.I'd much rather read/hear about a drive-by shitting then the real thing which is where y'all are headed if you don't calm down.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
8
Dear Drunk-Assed Pirate,I know how to drive a car and have a valid license and membership in a carsharing organization but driving to school and finding parking on an urban campus with mostly metered lots, or paying almost $400 for 10 weeks of parking priveleges in a garage is economically unsound, or as I like to refer to it... STUPID. Public transportation is easier, cheapier, more environmentally friendly, and simply more practical overall.
The commute via train takes less than 20 minutes. A drive across town, in rush hour, including looking for parking, would take approximately an hour. Again--STUPID.
Sincerely,
OP
Posted 2 months ago | Report
9
OP, get a can of mace, when the pisser pulls his/her pants down, give them a good shot of it, that will change their idea of where they piss.....Posted 2 months ago | Report
10
Dear OP,Try riding your bike. It's even more eco-friendly than your mass transit experience, healthier for you, and doesn't cost you a damn thing - since you're so cost-conscious.
And, while you're at your urban center of "higher learning", try learning to be more compassionate of those less fortunate than you. After all, some of them might be college graduates who couldn't find a job in this economy.
And, a word of advice... don't act holier-than-thou, unless you have those nail holes in your hands and feet.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate (An employed, college graduate, taxpaying homeowner and US Citizen)
Posted 2 months ago | Report
11
Dear DAP:Sorry, a 6 mile bike ride isn't my cup of tea.
And it has nothing to do with a lack of compassion. I've bought food for homeless shelters, I donate to food banks that help feed those who can't feed themselves, but there's just NO REASON to urinate in a public transportation stairwell. For fuck's sake, urinate in an alley where tons of people aren't walking around, it's not that difficult to find one in this city.
And no one's acting holier-than-thou, I'm not saying I'm better than these people, I'm just saying if you're going to pee in public, find a better place to do it.
Posted 2 months ago | Report
12
^ pussing out of a six mile bike ride? What a fucking weenie.Also, I see how you exhort your munificence, but no one gives a rat's ass just how much of a shining example of humanity you are with all of your charitable contributions.
You also stated: " And no one's acting holier-than-thou, I'm not saying I'm better than these people, I'm just saying if you're going to pee in public, find a better place to do it."
First, let me put on my grammar Nazi hat and chastise you for a horrible run-on sentence.
Second, let me point out the opening of your rant --> "To all the degenerates/alcoholics/homeless/what-have-you:" If that doesn't sound like you re looking down on people, from your hallowed perch, I have no idea what does.
Finally, who says that wasn't the best place for the person to urinate? I, for one, would much rather piss on your handrail to the El, than piss my Levi's when I'm drunk off my ass. Handrail beats Levi's every time, dickhole.
So, get a fucking life and deal with it.
Sincerely,
Drunk-assed Pirate
Posted 2 months ago | Report
13
Putting it very bluntly, you always have an option to urinate on the lawn or the roots of nearest tree, where your gracious gift would be definitely appreciated.So, if you can`t be bothered to turn into appropriate direction, why, that is defined pretty easily - "I`m going to do petty annoying stuff just because I want a lot of attention and getting spanked for wetting my bed is the best affection I ever got out of my parents."
Posted 2 months ago | Report
14
# 13, thank you. you speak the truth.Posted 2 months ago | Report
15
Jesus, isn't this that same Russian dill hole that posted that same holier than thou " I can't help where I am born" bullshit rant?Posted 2 months ago | Report
